Emotion

Emotion is the right brain expressing itself - a thought by Cheryl Merrick

How Do Feeling and Thinking Types See Life?

Of course, Feeling and Thinking personality types often have very different perspectives of what is most important in life and, consequently, very different goals.  Though we must use both our Thinking and Feeling abilities to make wise decisions, people naturally prefer to use either Feeling values or Thinking logic to make most of their decisions.

Though it is tempting to simplify our differences and accept all the old stereotypes, Feelers decisions really are not "irrational" and Thinkers really are not "cold and unfeeling".  Both Feeling and Thinking people make decisions rationally based on their values, and both types have strong feelings. Feelers generally do not verbalize their reasoning, and Thinkers generally do not physically express their feelings.

How Can Thinkers and Feelers Communicate?

We've all experienced it with a spouse, acquaintance, or co-worker. There you are intelligent, responsible people meeting to try to provide information, give support, make a plan, or resolve a problem, when everything falls apart. The Feelers are hurt and angry, and may even walk away, leaving the confused Thinkers alone, wondering "What happened?".

What did happen? Is it that the Feelers were "too emotional", or were the Thinkers "too cold and unfeeling"? Actually, neither are wrong in how they approach life. A Feeler focuses on what is most important to people. A Thinker focuses more on logically completing tasks. Both perspectives are complementary and essential in making good decisions. 

We run into trouble when Thinkers and Feelers don't understand each other.  Interpreting the world from their own point of view, they often make incorrect assumptions. Because of this, they misinterpret the others' words and actions,  assuming the worst.  So what are some of the false assumptions that Feelers and Thinkers make when they try to communicate and work together?

What Can Thinkers DO to Better Communicate with Feelers?

You might be saying to yourself that it was nice to better understand how Feelers and Thinkers look at life, and it was even more helpful to have the false communication assumptions explained, but now what can I specifically DO to make communication better with a Feeler. Well, here it is!
Communicating with a Feeler - Do's and Don'ts
The main thing to remember when communicating with Feelers is that they are concerned with what is good for people.

The Ideal
Have a Positive Attitude toward the Feeler - A positive attitude is the basis of effective communication with a Feeler. Feelers "read" emotions. If you are annoyed with them, if you view them as inferior beings, if you don't respect their perspective, or value their goals, a Feeler will know. Your tone of voice and body language will broadcast your true thoughts. A Feeler will react not only to your words, but to the thoughts behind your words. You won't become a Feeler, but by simply making the effort to use a Feeling approach, your attitude will begin to change and your communication will improve. Feelers are very compassionate and will respond well to your efforts, even if they are less than perfect.

What Can Feelers Do to Better Communicate with Thinkers?

We Feelers know that Thinkers need our personal perspective, but how can we communicate with people who are often demeaning, argumentative, aggressive, and arrogant? Many of us have bosses, co-workers, and husbands who are Thinkers. I know at moments it seems impossible, but there are things we can do. Here are my suggestions from my 68 years of living experience and 45 years of being married to a very strong Thinker.  

First, we need to accept them as they are. They aren't going become Feelers anymore than we are going to become Thinkers. We can each move a little to the center, understand each other's motivation, and learn to speak their language - a little.

I'm not saying what we need to tolerate their rudeness, just that we need to accept that they are clueless. We attribute our rich perception of emotion to them and see all sorts of emotions behind their behavior and it simply isn't there. Thinkers don't even understand what we are talking about.

Examples of Thinker and Feeler Communication

We needed to choose paint for the walls in our home. My husband (a Thinker) considered the coverage and cost of the paint. As a Feeler, I considered the affect the paint would have on my allergies. We ended up choosing a paint with adequate coverage but at a higher price, because it would have little negative effect on my health. 

My supervisor stated that we were causing another worker, who gave us a ride each day, to be late for work. When we tried to explain, she (a Thinker) refused to listen, declaring that she didn't want to hear any "excuses". The other woman and I decided that we would show what was really happening. So we walked the couple of miles to work each day. The worker with the car was still late each day. It then became evident that she had been picking us up late. 

A man (a well trained Thinker) called needing information. He jumped right into his question, then suddenly paused, and continuing in a softer less business tone of voice, asked me how I was doing before returning to his question. 

INFJ Style of Fun

I know that to an SP the word "Fun" INFJ  (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging) don't seem to fit, but we all have fun. We simply enjoy different things. What we enjoy very much relates to our personality.

An SP (Sensing Perceptive) is an action sort of person. They like to experience the world through their senses and without restraints.  From rock climbing to rock concerts, they enjoy the world around them, and the more action, noise, and laser lights the better.

I am a very sensitive INFJ. To me, the action fun of an SP is torture. One I went to a college football game in a large stadium. I sat there turning more and more pale as the SPs stomped and yelled. After several minutes, I fled clutching both my head and my stomach. Once home, I collapsed onto my couch and, immersed in healing silence, I tried to recover.

If the fast movement and vibrating speakers  that excite the SP send me running, the other way, what is "fun" to me?  What does a creative intellectual who also likes accomplishment do for "fun"? Just like everyone else, doing what comes easily for me is "fun".

I like things which give mental challenge; that require me to use my creativity to solve problems. Many board games require a great deal of creative problem solving, especially those where you role play settlers or someone else. Puzzles are  also "fun". Solving mysteries, working out problems, learning something new, going to a new place, reading or watching Fantasy and Science Fiction, writing, pondering the scriptures and ideas, research, learning new things, new cultures, museums, concerts, decorating, and designing are all things which allow me to use my creative intuitive abilities and are "fun".

Why I started this Blog

My forty years of study in personality type is in Briggs-Myers personality assessment. Career placement tests and employment placement tests are Briggs-Myers tests. I have used their insights in tutoring children with learning disabilities and in employment counseling. I have taught community education courses and given counseling on these topics.

I have posted my teaching materials on this blog, and other articles I have written on Personality Type.  Hope you enjoy them. Feel free to post questions. It keeps me writing and learning. 

An Intuitive's Experience in a Sensing World

I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in California, went to Brigham Young University, got married, and had two small before I confronted "Mormon Culture". We had moved to a small bedroom community  and were enjoying have a home of our own. Then it began.  "How many quarts of peaches did you can?" I had made a brief foray into the world of canning, then after spending two days cleaning up my kitchen afterwards and ending up with only 30 cents worth of apple juice, I decided it wasn't for me. I was given sympathy for being too ill to do it and wishes for better health.

I felt intimidated when saw all the mothers busily running errands, cooking good dinners, baking cookies for school, gardening, and cleaning. Trying to fill a role I felt was expected of me, I tried doing these things only to conclude that I don't like that sort of life. I had loved being in college; attending lectures, studying, and writing papers. I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because I believed the principles were true, but what was all this? I hadn't signed on for this busy Mormon homemaker life. Yes, my health prevented me from this "busy" life, but I couldn't admit to others that I really didn't want to live as they did. I felt both shame and relief.

Poems Instead of Casseroles - Intuitives in a Busy World

  How does a creative intuitive person (I'm a INFJ) fit into the busy orderly world out there? We don't. We just sort of slip out of the main stream and make our own quiet little eddie. It's a great place. There is time to think, feel, enjoy life, and time to create beauty.

From my quiet spot, I watch others whizzing by. Though appreciating their accomplishments, I have no desire to be a part of this madly rushing main stream. Does this mean I have nothing to do with other people? How does a creative person still be a part of their society?

The Creative Homemaker - Intuitive Feeling People

 Stillness
by Cheryl Merrick

Focusing on the beauty around me
my racing heart 
stills,
and my anxious mind 
calms.

Gazing upward
into the canopy of branches,
peace fills my soul.      
                                          
I have always loved the story of the two sisters, Mary and Martha. When Martha complains to the Lord that Mary isn't helping enough with the housework, the Lord replies that Mary has chosen the better part. I see myself as a Mary.

Since I have no intention of ever becoming  a "busy little homemaker", is my home a mess? It is true that I don't weed, mow, vacuum, shampoo rugs or furniture, polish furniture or silverware, or "deep clean". I spend my day writing and love it. I also have major allergies and must have a dust and mold free home, and I do. My house is very clean and orderly. You may wonder how I can do this. It's really not that hard. I just decided to

A Rose in the Vegetable Garden - An INFJ in the World

by Cheryl Merrick

I feel a little strange
     out here among
     the cabbages and squash,
then I remember
     that The Gardener
     who planted them
     also planted me.

Basics of Personality Type

Of course each person is a unique combination of spirit, genetics, and experiences. We are influenced by our family, culture, and time in history. Each person is an individual; one of a kind. Within that uniqueness is a sense of commonality. How do you make decisions, input information, use your abilities, and deal with the world?

Comparison of Personality Theories

                                      SJ                     NT                   NF                                  SP
Geometric                        ■                      ▲                        ●             and                ✷
Theory                           box                Triangle                 Circle        and         Squiggle
                                (Introvert)         (Extrovert)               (Extro-Circle/Intro-squiggle)
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Art (color)
  Bauhaus School            Red                  Yellow                 Blue                         (Blend)
  Color Theory Gold                   Green                  Blue                         Orange
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Brain Theory          left dominate left                     right dominate         right

Transaction Concrete                 Abstract                  Abstract               Concrete
 Ability Inventory       Sequential            Sequential                Random              Random
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Keirsey                       Sensation\             Intuitive\      Intuitive\            Sensation\
                                  Judging                Thinking             Feeling               Perceiving
                                Guardians              Rationals             Idealists             Artisans
      Responsive            Assertive             Assertive           Responsive
           (SJ)                      (NT)                   (INF) (ENF and SP)

Our Marriage - an INFJ and an ISTJ

Today I wrote in my http://meditationsofamormonmom.blogspot.com/ blog about marriage. Specifically about being married to a person with a very different personality type than I have and how we have come to appreciate each other's differences.

My husband is an ISTJ (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging) while I am an INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging). True we are both introverts. We both can focus on what is of interest to us for long periods of time. That can be a challenge at times.

How Does an Introvert Give a Social?

Both my husband and I are very quiet people. We are very strong introverts ( I'm an INFJ and he is a ISTJ) Though we enjoy being with people (for short times), we certainly never intended to actually give a social, especially for fifty people! It became evident that we were the ones to give this neighborhood social. Several new neighbors had moved in, they didn't know each other,  and they didn't even have yards in yet. We had the space, means, and time to do it. What we didn't have was the outgoing personalities to carry it off, or the health to do the work.

Good Places to Learn About Personality Type

Personality Theory is based of the work of the psychiatrist Carl Jung. He published Psychological Types in 1921. (Heavy reading and mainly theory not application.)

Katharine Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers applied Jung's theories in the mid 1940's to fulfill the need to quick, accurate job placement during WWII. They are considered the pioneers of personality type measurement. Their work is the basis for the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator which is used widely today to place people in jobs where they can be the most successful.  

Isabel Briggs Myers built upon her mother's insights about Jung's work to publish the classic book on personality type with her son Peter B. Myers. Very insightful and positive. Worth reading. 

Gifts Differing - Understanding Personality Type by Isabel Briggs Myers

How and Understanding of Personality Type Can Help You

Once I told a school principal that I had studied personality type for thirty years. His reply was that he knew of a woman who studied bumps on people's heads. I hardly felt they are in the same category! Wasn't he aware that his school district (along with most of the world) used the Myers- Briggs Type Indicator to help high school students find the right career path?

Not only does personality type help people

Comparison of Introverted and Extroverted Functions

This is a comparison of each preference: Intuition, Feeling, Thinking, and Sensing manifests itself when it is used in the internal world of thought (introversion) or in the outside physical world (extoversion).


INTROVERTED INTUITION EXTROVERTED INTUITION

situation helps understanding                            inner understanding to help situation
(examples illustrate)

Being Me an INFJ

Advantages of Being Me!

(I wrote this as kind of my mission statement. I've had a  lifetime of feeling I was inferior because I couldn't spell or do math well, or remember name and dates easily. Now I'm trying to recognize and share the unique talents I have as an INFJ - Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging woman. I am trying to develop a more positive view of myself. I am looking at my strengths instead of just my weaknesses.)