Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Coping with Stress - INFJ and INTJ Compaired

Since I have a family member who is an INTJ, I was wondering how she would be similar in coping with stress with me, an INFJ.  I know we both struggle with becoming overstressed. Since we are both INJ (introverted intuitive) we both prefer to use our dominant (strongest) ability in our minds and use our auxiliary (2nd strongest) ability to deal with the world.  We are the only two Dominant Introverted Intuitive personality types. We both prefer to use intuition in the inner world of the mind to gain insights, see patterns and meaning, and predict future outcomes. Our difference is that she uses Thinking to deal with the world and support her Intuition while I prefer to use Feeling to support my Intuition. It seems that though we would be similar in what stresses us as Intuitives, our Thinking and Feeling difference would make our stressors and coping also quite different.

As Dominant Introverted Intuitives, we must both deal daily with getting access to our strengths. Our challenge is that the level of internal concentration necessary to see intuitively all this meaning, projections, and patterns can only be done when our minds are not being distracted by the outside sensing world.  This isn't easy to do since we live in a Sensing world. Noise, bright lights, busyness, outside pressure, and too much specific data thrown at us too quickly, can frustrate us by preventing us from using our strong Introverted Intuitive strengths. And so, we struggle with living in two worlds. Though we live surrounded by a Sensing world, we can only utilize our considerable Introverted Intuitive ability in the world of the mind.

Monday, January 15, 2018

How an ESFP can help an INTJ with Stress

I know an INTJ who works in a high stress field. I have been wondering how can her husband, an ESFP, help her cope with her stress?

In General:
"ESFPs are essentially easygoing, adaptive, playful, and freedom-loving people who like to live fully in the present moment. In contrast, INTJs are quiet, ambitious, and intellectual people who strive to find, meet, and exceed ever-increasing challenges." 1

With his love of life and his living in the present, the ESFP husband has the ability to balance his intellectual, future living INTJ spouse. By being himself, he can help her enjoy living and help her get in touch with her feelings. He can also provide her with the quiet, orderly environment she needs and handle many of the routine details of life. This will help her be more relaxed since she has little Sensing ability.

Basically INTJs will become stressed, like everyone else, when they are having to use their weakest abilities too much (for them their Feeling and Sensing abilities). Too much time spent in their strongest abilities (for them Intuition and Thinking) can also fatigue the INTJ. Balance is essential for the INTJs well being. Since her weakest areas are an ESFP strengths, her husband can do a lot to help her keep her life in balance. (refer to BASICS at the bottom of the page)

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Resources for People Who are HSP, Empaths, INFJ

HSP - Highly Sensitive People, INFJ (Introvered Intuitive Feeling Judging)

Storm, Susan. Tranquility by Type: Stress Relief Tips for Your Unique Personality Type

Everest, Kristine S.. Survival Guide For Empaths: How To Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs, A Plan For The Highly Sensitive, Coping With Distress, Empath Healing Made Easy For Beginners . KSE Publishing.

Orloff, Judith. The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People . Sounds True.

Soldner, Jennifer. The INFJ Heart: Understand the Mind, Unlock the Heart.

Soldner, Jennifer. The Empathic INFJ: Awareness and Understanding for the Intuitive Clairsentient

Aron, Elaine. The Highly Sensitive Person . Kensington. Kindle Edition.

Help with Stress for an INFJ Empath

General Help
  1. Be alone - Ni (introverted intuition) is my dominant ability and needs to be in charge so I can think, process, and solve problems. Since it is an introverted function, I can only use this ability when I am calm and being in a quiet place helps me focus intuitive abilities (Ni). Being alone allows others emotions to dissipate and puts me in touch with who I am and what I am feeling. If I am actively using my Se (Extroverted Sensing) ability, or my Fe (Extroverted Feeling) ability, then I must suppress (not use) my Ni ability. I can use my introverted Ti and NI abilities together easily to analyze ideas and plan how meet my goals;
  2. Reduce Sensory Stimulation- (low noise, soft colors, soft clothes and furnishings, little smell, soft lights) especially in my home; also in whatever environment I am in such as church, shopping, socials, and traveling
  3. Set Boundaries - say NO; notice the point when I am becoming stress and stop before I become irritable and exhausted; Only be out of my dominate ability (Ni) for short periods of time. Minimize Socially interactions (Fe) and busyness (Se).

Causes of Stress for an INFJ Empath

INFJ’s desire to help people by listening, counseling and giving emotional
support. As an INFJ empath, I struggle with chronic stress. After looking
at my life from a Personality Type perspective, it seems that most stress
comes when I do not use my strengths, but, instead, try to live as a sensing
person (Se) always busily engaged with the world, and an extroverted
feeling person (Fe) always interacting with people. This is my attempt to
change; to be me, to be more at peace, less stressed, and happier.
Suggestions for change are in blue.

INFJ - (Ni ) Introverted Intuition is Dominant ability
(Fe) 2nd, or auxiliary ability, is Extroverted Feeling
(Ti ) 3rd ability is Introverted Thinking
(Se) 4th, or weakest ability, is Extroverted Sensing

Causes of Stress for an INFJ Empath

1. Excess Sensory Stimulation - can feel overwhelmed; to use dominate Ni must be an quiet meditative state; loud noises, bright lights, clutter, fast movement; jiggling, roughness, spicy, strong perfume, or other strong smells or tastes; avoid and minimize; quiet sanctuary; nature;

2. Too Many Details and Pressure- can feel overwhelmed; pressure to handle too many things too quickly (deadlines), busyness, clutter; too much Se (4th ability); need to explore one topic at time deeply; focus on one thing at a time; simple home and simple routines;

3. Interruptions - will break the dominant Ni concentration; have a sanctuary in my home; not give out phone number; set boundaries 

4. Too Much Extraverting - can be overwhelming and draining: INFJ's are relationship oriented; like to form deep relationships with a few people; only use Fe (2nd, auxiliary) for support to Ni function, Fe enables to empathize, feel, and listen to others but is not my main source of energy; if use for a long time, it will drain me; majority of time on Ni 3 times as long; limit social; limit only to the most important social interactions

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Personality Type and Gender

After having raised an ISFP (Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceptive) girl, an ESTP (Extroverted Sensing Thinking Perceptive) boy, an INTJ (Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging ) girl, an INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceptive) boy, and after being an INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging) married to an ISTJ (Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging) husband, I have some questions about personality and gender.

I've seen my NTJ girl struggle with being expected to be submissive and more "feminine". Her clear thinking decisiveness was not well accepted, though it would be valued in a male. I've also seen my NF son being told "to toughen up".  His gentleness and sensitiveness are viewed as "feminine" and would have been valued more if he had been a girl.

True, 3/4th of all females are Feeling and 3/4th of all males are Thinking, but that does not make these characteristics either male or female.  If you are a Feeling person, that does not make you female, and if you are a thinking person, that does not make you male. If you are a SP (Sensing Perceptive) girl who loves sports and is out to win, that doesn't make you a boy. If you are an intuitive boy who likes to think and read, that does not make you a girl.

How Does Your Personality Type Affect Your Children?

After writing about my dad, an ESFP (Extroverted Sensing Feeling Perceptive), and my mom, an ISFJ (Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging), I can understand why 40% of my type, INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging), felt that they had an abusive childhood. Since my personality type is the most rare of all types, it would be rarer still to have a parent of the same type as I am. My dad wanted me to to be outgoing like he was. He viewed my quietness and immersion in the world of the mind as unhealthy and kept trying to help me "get out there". He wanted me to be spontaneous and "bubbly" -- like he was.

On the other hand, my mother wanted me to be quiet -- like she was, which was ok because I really am quiet. Like my dad, she also didn't understand my need to spend time in the intuitive world of thought. I loved to observe, think, read, and write. She kept trying to have me "do something" and kept trying to engage me in crafts and activities. She also worried about my "spending so much time alone". I couldn't explain to her that I needed time away from things and people to process all that was happening to me and to recharge after having to deal with all the details of school and being surrounded by people all day.