Poems about my INFJ sense of mission

A Candle
by Cheryl Merrick

Most flames join
the blazing hearth fire 
adding to 
its merry warmth,

But a few choose 
solitary candlesticks
bringing light to even
the darkest night.

A Poet's Longing
by Cheryl Merrick

In a quiet room with a comfy chair
and large windows overlooking the world,
I found my poet's heart.

Within is a craving to experience 
the hours of intense focus,
and the exquisite beauty 
in the flashes of inspiration 
which connect me to the divine.

Recentering as an INFJ

Once again I was burnt out and unhappy. As an INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging) this happens to me frequently. At these times, I pull back into my mind so I can regain my center; a sense of who I really am. 

As I read and pondered, I was reminded that as an INFJ, I am one of the two personality types (INFP Introverted Intuition Feeling Perceptive is the other) who use intuition and feeling as a way to deal with life.  This really is a different way to live. Like other introverted intuitive types, we spend a lot of time in the world of thought, but combined with Feeling this world becomes extra special. It is the world of imagination, of creativity, and of the spirit. We are roses in the cornfield. We are lights shining in the darkness. 

We are also considered a bit weird, which as an INFJ, I can't deny.

Accepting that I really am an Enneagram Type 9

I've known for years that my personality type is an INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging) using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. I could easily see myself as this type of person. As an Introvert, I try to deal with the world through my extroverted Feeling ability, and choose to use my strongest ability, Intuition, in my mind creating new ideas. I also know that I definitely prefer to have things planned and settled (Judging). 

It all seemed pretty simple, but I was finding that I'd keep making commitments that I really didn't want to do, or couldn't fulfill. After a few months of this, I'd end up exhausted, then I'd pull back into my mind spending hours alone studying and trying to get in touch with my "lost" identity. 

It was after my most recent "crash" that I knew this "boom and bust" cycle had to end. What was I doing wrong? I needed more understanding than I was finding in my INFJ study. It was then that I remembered about the Enneagram. Could it help?

The Good things about being an Enneagram Type 9

Though each Enneagram Type has great strengths, which I appreciate, I like best being me, an Enneagram Type 9. I must confess that it took me a while to accept that I really am a Type 9, The Peacemaker, or The Mediator. I wouldn't consider that I might be this type for several weeks. I think the problem was that I was comparing my weaknesses with others' strengths. Another difficulty was that I was looking at the qualities of a Type 9 from the viewpoint of others, instead of reaching deep within and feeling the "rightness" in my soul of being a Type 9. 

Type 9 Motivation Let's face it, someone who's motivation in life is to create harmony and peace isn't valued as much in our culture (in the United States) as a the "go getter" Type 3 achiever, or a the "take charge" Type 8 leader, or a the "rock of society" Type 6 , or even the "life of the party" Type 7. They all "do" something. Type 2 helps people, Type 1 reforms the world, Type 3 has a drive to achieve, Type 4 creates in the arts, Type 5 studies and invents, Type 6 manages, Type 7 entertains, and Type 8 leads. Actually, I find the other types rather intimidating. They are all so driven and forceful, while I am not. 

Type 9 Peacemakers Type 9 Peacemakers are very gentle people who can patiently work all our lives on our goal to form unity and peace around us. Yes, this is idealistic and optimistic, but think what the world would be like if there were more of us! Yes, we are the "eternal optimists" who not only look for and hope for the good, but devote our lives to making it happen. 

INFJ Under Stress

There I was, a miserable mess. I kept crying. I felt there was no purpose to my life. I didn't want to live. There was nothing for me to do. Life was just endless details. My husband was always grouchy. I felt that no one loved me. The world had rejected me and my abilities. I wanted to just cease to exist.

Yes, I had reached my low, "I'll go out and eat worms",  point in life. How did I get there? How have I gotten out? That's what I have been asking myself, because I sure don't want to go there again!

I looked at my life. My husband had just retired, so there were a lot of changes. Apparently, I was not adjusting well. What was I doing each day that depressed me so much? I was doing normal things such as dishes and laundry and dusting. I answered some emails and commented on Facebook posts. I visited with my husband, did some data gathering for him, went for a ride with him in the afternoon, and watched football or basketball with him in the evenings.

Just listing all that and I want to crawl into a hole. Everything was sensing details. I can see why I didn't want to even get up in the mornings! My husband is a very competent ISTJ (introverted sensing, thinking, judging). He happily fills his life with detail after detail, ad nauseam. Here I was the empathic, philosophical INFJ (introverted intuitive feeling judging) trying to be his shadow. I was picking up all my husband's orderly, detailed needs and desires and trying to meet them. I was trying to be an ISTJ!

An Intuitive's Experience in a Sensing World

I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in California, went to Brigham Young University, got married, and had two small before I confronted "Mormon Culture". We had moved to a small bedroom community  and were enjoying have a home of our own. Then it began.  "How many quarts of peaches did you can?" I had made a brief foray into the world of canning, then after spending two days cleaning up my kitchen afterwards and ending up with only 30 cents worth of apple juice, I decided it wasn't for me. I was given sympathy for being too ill to do it and wishes for better health.

I felt intimidated when saw all the mothers busily running errands, cooking good dinners, baking cookies for school, gardening, and cleaning. Trying to fill a role I felt was expected of me, I tried doing these things only to conclude that I don't like that sort of life. I had loved being in college; attending lectures, studying, and writing papers. I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because I believed the principles were true, but what was all this? I hadn't signed on for this busy Mormon homemaker life. Yes, my health prevented me from this "busy" life, but I couldn't admit to others that I really didn't want to live as they did. I felt both shame and relief.

Poems Instead of Casseroles - Intuitives in a Busy World

  How does a creative intuitive person (I'm a INFJ) fit into the busy orderly world out there? We don't. We just sort of slip out of the main stream and make our own quiet little eddie. It's a great place. There is time to think, feel, enjoy life, and time to create beauty.

From my quiet spot, I watch others whizzing by. Though appreciating their accomplishments, I have no desire to be a part of this madly rushing main stream. Does this mean I have nothing to do with other people? How does a creative person still be a part of their society?

The Creative Homemaker - Intuitive Feeling People

 Stillness
by Cheryl Merrick

Focusing on the beauty around me
my racing heart 
stills,
and my anxious mind 
calms.

Gazing upward
into the canopy of branches,
peace fills my soul.      
                                          
I have always loved the story of the two sisters, Mary and Martha. When Martha complains to the Lord that Mary isn't helping enough with the housework, the Lord replies that Mary has chosen the better part. I see myself as a Mary.

Since I have no intention of ever becoming  a "busy little homemaker", is my home a mess? It is true that I don't weed, mow, vacuum, shampoo rugs or furniture, polish furniture or silverware, or "deep clean". I spend my day writing and love it. I also have major allergies and must have a dust and mold free home, and I do. My house is very clean and orderly. You may wonder how I can do this. It's really not that hard. I just decided to

A Rose in the Vegetable Garden - An INFJ in the World

by Cheryl Merrick

I feel a little strange
     out here among
     the cabbages and squash,
then I remember
     that The Gardener
     who planted them
     also planted me.

Intuitive Feeling Types INFP, ENFP, ENFJ, INFJ

INFP and ENFP (lesser extent ENFJ and INFJ)
Intutive Feeling people either Introverted or Extroverted types have some characteristics in common.

• most right brained
• creative, conceptional, intuitive - think great thoughts, lost in thought, daydreamer
• processors of information– idea producers of society
• not detail oriented- integrative, holistic
• interested in ideas -  enthusiasticly sharing ideas or bored; may interrupt to express an idea; enjoys relating concerning ideas instead of practical matters or the physical tangible; will defend and express ideas that believe in

INFJ Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging

INFJ    The Individualist; The Counselor; The Author;
Catalysts for Positive Change; rarest of all types  less than 1% of population

Abilities
getting whole picture easily gives ability to:
perceive others will, intelligence, feelings; empathic
see implications; predict future
receptive to inspiration (use mainly to help people grow)
understand complex concepts
see possibilities especially in people
see connections, relationships, and analyze;

INFJ Dealing with Stress in my Environment

In my post, "Can Personality Cause Stress", I looked at who I am (an introverted, intuitive feeling judging INFJ person) and at what causes me stress. Actually, I was surprised at how many things caused me to feel stressed. Obviously,  I need to learn cope better, so here it goes.

I'll pick the easiest one first -- my environment. As a highly sensitive person (some call us HSP's and most INFJ's are HSP's), I don't do well with noises, whizzing traffic, glaring lights, strong smells, and clutter.

What is a comfortable environment for me?

• First of all, I work from home which gives me a lot of control over my environment.  Since my children were grown, a couple of years ago I decided to re-certify and apply for Elementary Teaching positions. After ten days of substituting, I was exhausted! I thought if one more kid poked me I would scream! I now understood why only college level teaching is recommended for people like me. I am much happier writing! I learned that I need not only to do work that suits my abilities, but that also has an environment in which I feel comfortable.