Accepting that I really am an Enneagram Type 9

I've known for years that my personality type is an INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging) using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. I could easily see myself as this type of person. As an Introvert, I try to deal with the world through my extroverted Feeling ability, and choose to use my strongest ability, Intuition, in my mind creating new ideas. I also know that I definitely prefer to have things planned and settled (Judging). 

It all seemed pretty simple, but I was finding that I'd keep making commitments that I really didn't want to do, or couldn't fulfill. After a few months of this, I'd end up exhausted, then I'd pull back into my mind spending hours alone studying and trying to get in touch with my "lost" identity. 

It was after my most recent "crash" that I knew this "boom and bust" cycle had to end. What was I doing wrong? I needed more understanding than I was finding in my INFJ study. It was then that I remembered about the Enneagram. Could it help?


Confusing Enneagram Test Results
A year ago, I had taken the Enneagram test designed by the widely accepted expert in the field, Don Riso. I thought I was a Type One with a Two wing (Type 1w2), but I was having second thoughts as I studied the Enneagram more. Yes, I have high ideals as the Type One has, but Type One seemed too rigid, too pushy, too driven, and not accepting enough. It seemed more "left brained", more focused on using Thinking logic and goals (Ti Introverted Thinking), and just wasn't intuitive enough. Finally, I had to conclude that it really wasn't me, but what was?

I took this test several more times along with several other Enneagram tests. Each time most of test scores were fairly even. The only types that were lower were Type 8 (The Challenger - who deals with self-assertion and leadership) which consistently were my lowest scores; Type 7 (The Enthusiast - who deals with enjoying life) which consistently were my second lowest scores; and Type 3 (The Achiever- who deals with self-esteem and self-development) which consistently were my third lowest scores. I began to wonder if the Enneagram just didn't work, but as I studied, I saw that it seemed to fit other people that I knew very well. Why didn't my scores reveal what type I was?

Considering Other Types
I wondered if I was a Type 2 (The Helper - who deals with empathy and altruism). After all, I am very empathic and focus on others' needs before my own. But, after more study, I had to admit that I really am not a person who runs around helping others. I really do care about others, but not in that way. I'd rather teach people how to help help themselves, so Type 2 couldn't be me.

The Type 3 (the busy achiever) certainly wasn't me. It was so driven, and social conscious which is not me!

How about the Type 4. This type is The Individualist. It is very self-aware and desires to express itself creativity.  This type is more "right-brained", intuitive, and creative, which I certainly am. Also, I love to write. Maybe this was it! For about a week I tried to see myself as a moody, romantic, artistic soul. It just was too dramatic for me, and I'd hardly be described as overly emotional.  Also, Type 4 focuses on their own inward emotional states, and since I know that I am exceptionally empathic and focused on others, this didn't fit.

Next, I thought I might be a Type 4 with a 5 wing. The Type 5 loves to study and spend a lot of time alone. That sounded like me, but it wasn't, since a Type 5 is also too "left-brained". They remember all sorts of details, live to learn, and prefer to spend a lot of time alone. This type just wasn't focused enough on helping other people to be me. 

By now I was getting concerned with more than half the types eliminated. How about Type 6? This is the true blue "solid" member of society. It was too rigid, and I'm more concerned with individuals, not with society.

Well, how about Type 7? Enthusiastically sampling life and "going for the gusto" is not a type I identify with, so that isn't it.

That left Type 8 and Type 9 to consider, but it didn't take me long to dismiss them. To me Type 8 seemed overly aggressive and, to be frank, Type 9 seemed just to be coasting through life with no real goals. These couldn't be me!

Going Deeper
Maybe I hadn't gone deep enough, and I was some variation of one of the types, so I went "deeper". I studied the 9 levels of development within each type, Types in combination with their wings, how each type acts when stressed and at their best (the Direction of Integration and Integration), and the three Instinctual drives as applied to each of the 9 Types. 

What Can Cause Level Scores
Finally, I read that there are two things which might cause my score to be pretty level: one could be that I was so mature that I had developed all my abilities to a high level (I liked this idea!), and the other was that I could be a Type 9. Being a Type 9 did not seem a pleasant thought. 

Type 9 - a "chameleon"
I read about how a Type 9 sees themselves in all other types and can act like all other types -- all except themselves. It was further explained that Type 9 might act out some social role, or copy the behavior of someone they admire and are close to. If they are an older woman they might see themselves as a Type 2 (society's expectation for a woman -  a "feely" helper), or if a man, they might see themselves as a Type 5 (the stereotype of the unemotional, logical male).

It was getting harder and harder to discount, but could I really be a Type 9?  I looked at the strengths of a healthy Type 9: they are agreeable, patient, kind, reassuring, creative, friendly, holistic, supportive, enthusiastic, peaceful, receptive, persistent, can see universal truths, spiritual, calm, idealistic, tolerant, optimistic, good listener, exceptionally empathic, and make wonderful mediators. They can also be emotionally open, strong, mature, serene, and stable, and have the ability to be in touch with, and trust, themselves and others. Their desire is to unite everyone and everything in harmonious unity. That sounded pretty good, and it did sound like me.

Type 9 with a Type 1 wing
It appears that instead of being a Type One like I originally thought, I'm a Type 9 with a Type One wing (9w1), also known as the Negotiator. This combination helps the Type 9 have better rational self-control, synthesize data and concepts into a coherent whole, and have the drive to implement their dreams realistically. Now, this really seemed like me.

Accepting how Type 9 deals with Stress
I'm still working at accepting that the Type 9 often deals with stress by simply suppressing their feelings and needs, and by tuning out any uncomfortable reality. At best, all that can be achieved by this approach is to reach a state of  "fake" peace.  Unfortunately, this also seems like me. I console myself by remembering each Type has its unhealthy ways of coping with stress. It is something that we all have to deal with and overcome.

Problems with Acceptance
My major problem with accepting myself as a Type 9 was how passive they sounded. After studying more, I realized that disavowing reality and "hiding" in fantasy, or sensual pleasures such as eating, is their unhealthy response to stress. This is not how a healthy Type 9 functions. 

Also, I learned that even an unhealthy Type 9 doesn't just sit there comatose eating chips and watching TV.  An unhealthy Type 9 can be constantly busy. The catch is that they are doing things of little value, "busy work". This nailed me. I was indeed a Type 9.


I am now going to take a closer look at my strengths, weaknesses, and potential as an Enneagram Type 9 in other articles.