Creating Emotional Balance as an Enneagram Type 9

As an INFJ, I've heard many times how essential balance is to my happiness, but I've been unsure what that meant. Now that I'm also studying the Enneagram Type 9, I better understand how to achieve this balance in my life.

Suppressing my Feelings and Needs As a Type 9, I can be very receptive to others' emotions. This can give me great empathy, and it allows me to understand many points of view. It can also enable me to be very supportive of other people and bring unity to groups. It can become a serious problem if I rely on this ability too heavily. By inappropriately suppressing my feelings and needs, so that I can be more receptive to others, I can end up losing my own sense of identity. 

Losing my Identity This is one of my major challenges in life. When I lose my identity, I have to spend weeks alone, thinking, to  rediscover who I really am. If I regularly take the time to notice what I am feeling, it helps to keep me connected with myself. Writing poems, journal keeping, and sharing my feelings with close friends, such as my husband, all assist me to remember who I am.  I also need time before I make decisions. It helps me connect to my introverted functions of intuition and thinking when I write out and discuss the pros and cons, and consider my own goals and needs, then I'm able to evaluate how best to support others. This regular reflective time where I engage my strongest ability, introverted intuition, supported by my introverted thinking, and with my extroverted feeling values and information and sensing input, is essential to maintaining my balance in life. 

How I become an Enabler When I am too busy to make alone time to think, I simply passively receive others' feelings and, attempting to meet their needs, do what they want. Often, this results in my filling the role of an enabler instead of truly nurturing growth in those I care about. I generally keep going on this downward path, becoming more and more passive, until I am using most of my energy to suppress my own values, goals, and feelings. It doesn't take long until I collapse-- exhausted. 

Problems with being too Receptive I am now accepting that when I am merely receptive, I am not being a "good" person who is ever loving and kind. In reality I am being a person who is so afraid of losing relationships that I am dissociating from reality to maintain a false peace. I dampen down all my feelings, including my needs and passively-aggressively just "not show up" at my own life. I'm not really there for others and often allow them to walk over me, which gives me more "justification" for withdrawing from reality. 

Good Assertiveness I am trying to realize that though some behavior can be unrighteously aggressive by trying to force others to submit to your will, expressing who I am, what I like, my goals, and my needs, is not an act of aggression.  I've experienced that needs and feelings can only be suppressed for so long, then I go into a couple of days tirade where I recall and berate all the things that person did that hurt me, that were "wrong". Of course, since I never told them what I wanted and needed, this is hardly fair. It is a good thing that I just vent and don't really dump all this on these people.

I'm seeing how essential to my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health it is for me to take the time each day to nurture myself. This time of reflection reminds me of who I really am, an introverted intuitive. I love to create, and connect ideas, but this isn't enough, I also need to express my thoughts, to share them with others. I need to connect my ideas to the world. 

Needing Quiet Time to keep my Balance I had thought that all my "busy" puttering was connecting me with the "real" world, and my time alone was "withdrawing" from reality. Of course, people can use time alone to flee from the unpleasantries of life, but I only do this when I'm completely exhausted, spending hours blankly staring. The rest of the time, when I'm in a quiet, undisturbed place, I can finally engage my introverted intuition and thinking to evaluate all the input I am receiving from my extroverted feeling and sensing. My introverted abilities enable me to make decisions on how to take action which will not only truly help others to grow, but myself also. Also, when I'm in quiet seclusion is when I can create. It is an exciting time for me. 

Using my introverted intuition and thinking abilities are essential, but I also need to move to be balanced. I need to physically get "out there" in a meaningful way, not just squander my energy doing unnecessary "busy work". I need to share my love, advice, counsel, and ideas. I need to teach, and write. I also need to become more integrated with my body by using it to hike, dance, and exercise. 

Being Who I Am Engaging my introverted intuition and thinking helps me remain in charge of my life. I enables me to be more than a mere passively receptive feeling and sensing person. I need to use my introverted intuition to keep me spiritually connected and create new connections, solve problems, and develop new ideas. My extroverted feeling causes me to value helping people and, with sensing, to give me information about the world around me. I use my introverted thinking to evaluate all this information.  When I use my abilities in this way I make better decisions and take action which truly helps others while nurturing myself. 

When I really be who I am and not try and hide my "weird" intuitiveness and sensitivity, or suppress my own feelings and needs, I can be truly peaceful. This is how I can feel at peace, by accepting I am enough. I do not need to be like the other types. I do not need to be just the "sweet" servant of others to "buy" their acceptance and love. I have the gifts to be loving, empathic, creative, an exemplar of righteous living, and a faithful guide to peace. The world also needs my Type. It's time to be me!