The Challenges of being an Enneagram Type 9

When I saw that the Enneagram Type 9 deal with stress by withdrawing from reality, just puttering, procrastinating, being passive aggressive, cocooning themselves in comforting routines, hiding out in fantasy or study, "zoning out" (dissociation - feeling blank and not connected to anything), seeking comfort from food, fleeing into fantasy or worry, hiding from anxiety by doing "busy work", suppressing their own feelings to "keep the peace" and putting others needs first, I didn't think that could be me. It has taken me a while and some time observing my own behavior to realize that I really do these things.

Procrastination For example, yesterday I had set a goal of writing the post about the positive qualities of the Type 9. Before I started, I decided to rearrange a couple cupboards, put in some laundry, and check my emails. By then it was 1:30 and my husband was home for lunch. After lunch, he was going to put a new sink drain in the kitchen sink. I told myself that he would probably enjoy having me nearby while he worked, and perhaps I should do some Christmas decorating in this room while he was there; after all we should enjoy all the time we can together - we are getting older. 

At that point, I smiled at myself. What did I think I was doing? Well, I knew what I was doing. I was procrastinating doing something that was difficult for me to face. They say that Type 9 people like to stay in the background and not draw attention to themselves or "brag" about themselves. Having to write a post about what I like about being a Type 9, simply wasn't something I felt comfortable doing, so I was putting it off by doing "busy work" and puttering around doing things which didn't need to be done at that time. I was even trying to use my husband's supposed "needs" to help me avoid doing what I found difficult. 


To help get me going on the writing I knew would help me grow, I took a moment to explain the situation to my husband. He looked at me and said, "I love having you with me, but watching me do plumbing is hardly a big thrill." I agreed and admitted that since he would have his head under the sink for ages, he wouldn't even know if I was there or not. He concurred, and, excuses gone, I finally got to work. 

For years, I've been using excuses to avoid doing difficult things. I had little children, teens, too much housework, too many responsibilities, poor health, too many people needed me, too many other things I needed to do now, everyone around me wasn't happy yet, I'm too upset or worried now, my life isn't settled yet, I'm not ready or mature enough, and so on. I've deep down avoided problems by blaming others, my health, or my circumstances.  Years have passed in resigned depression with me ever longing for someone else to solve my problems for me. I wanted God to take away my challenges and give me peace, which He wisely didn't.

Procrastinators can be busy people This doesn't mean that I just sat around, or didn't do a lot of difficult things; I've done all sorts of things which have been hard for me. I just waste a lot of time in procrastination. Always hating it when one of my children procrastinated, it reinforces the truth that we dislike in others what we most dislike in ourselves. 

Dissociating I'm having to accept that I really do dissociate to avoid facing problems. It is not something that I do consciously. I'm not even aware that I am turning off from reality -- my mind just goes blank, my focus fuzzy, and I might even suddenly fall asleep. I will not even have any memory of what I did during that time -- hours will just be gone. 

Of course it takes a lot of energy to block out challenging situations in life. It is exhausting. I'm struggling to accept that my constant fatigue is probably related to this tendency to dissociate, to step away into my mind, to avoid dealing with my problems. 

Facing Problems Eventually, I do face problems, but only when they become so intolerable that I have trouble functioning. All I can do for a while is just sit there, exhausted, in a daze unable to move. When I reach this point where I can't do much of anything else, I spend a lot of time thinking about what went wrong. Finally, I see the whole picture and the consequences of my actions. I've had to accept that many times, in my desire to maintain peace, I have simply gone along with others requests, ending up exhausting myself merely to enable other people to avoid their responsibilities.   Suddenly aware, I rush to erect firm boundaries, or I may even entirely step out of the situation, or relationship. 

Of course it would have been better to have accepted my own needs and  set reasonable boundaries at the first, instead of letting things get out of hand. Now that I'm more aware of how I, as a Type 9, deal with stress, I hope to use this understanding to better cope with my challenges, so that I have more than the mere fake "peace" of avoidance, but instead have the true peace which comes from knowing and accepting myself.