We needed to choose paint for the walls in our home. My husband (a Thinker) considered the coverage and cost of the paint. As a Feeler, I considered the affect the paint would have on my allergies. We ended up choosing a paint with adequate coverage but at a higher price, because it would have little negative effect on my health.
My supervisor stated that we were causing another worker, who gave us a ride each day, to be late for work. When we tried to explain, she (a Thinker) refused to listen, declaring that she didn't want to hear any "excuses". The other woman and I decided that we would show what was really happening. So we walked the couple of miles to work each day. The worker with the car was still late each day. It then became evident that she had been picking us up late.
A man (a well trained Thinker) called needing information. He jumped right into his question, then suddenly paused, and continuing in a softer less business tone of voice, asked me how I was doing before returning to his question.
Once I was asked to serve on a jury in our small town. It was just a traffic violation, so I thought I would be home soon. After hearing the evidence, we jurors retired to a conference room where we each voted guilty, except for one person. This older lady didn't want to give the woman a ticket. She wanted to be nice to the woman and felt that policemen can be "mean". I thought that she was outvoted and was ready to leave for one of my children had a program that night. No so! The police chief stood at the door and informed us that we would not leave that room until we had come to a unanimous decision, even if it took days! This Feeling older woman had obviously never developed any logical thinking ability. The accused woman was clocked doing way over the speed limit, the radar gun had just been calibrated the day before and it's accuracy afterward verified, and the woman even stated that she thought the speed limits in town were "too low", and she had a long record of speeding violations. We even pointed out that such an unfair decision would probably ruin the career of the young new police officer. For hours we tried to convince the older woman to change her vote. I began envisioning myself spending the night on the conference room floor. Though she never even considered the data, she finally gave into our pressure (I hated to do this), the accused was given a small fine, and we were finally free to leave.
I (a Feeler) stacked a couple of large Christmas boxes in the doorway. Since they were pack and ready to be returned to the attic, I asked my husband (a Thinker), pointing to the stack of boxes, "Would you please take these to the attic?" He replied, "Yes". Nothing happened. I stopped before got angry and thought about it. I knew what I had done wrong, so I tried again. "Will you take this stack of boxes in the doorway to the attic right now?" His reply, "Sure!", and did it immediately. I asked him why he hadn't done it sooner. "You never said you wanted it right now!" I had forgotten that he needed everything to be exact and verbal. He never noticed my pointing, or my implication that it needed to be done right away.
When we were first married, I (a Feeler) stayed up till my husband (a Thinker) arrived home late from work. I thought he would be happy to see me. His response, "You should have gone to bed." He was being logical and I was focused on our relationship.
It was before bed and I was feeling grateful for a kind woman who traded chairs with me at church that morning. Suddenly, I (a Feeler) said, "She sure was nice." My husband (a Thinker) puzzled, replies, "Who?" I smile, knowing that once again I have started with the emotion. Often, I start with the feeling or the conclusion, and then have to go back and explain to my poor confused husband who, what, when, and where.
My husband (a Thinker) says, "You'll need that white towel." I'm startled and wonder what he is talking about. "Why?", I (a Feeler) ask him. His reply, "Because I took yours". I'm wondering why he didn't just explain things in the first place. He didn't see any need to explain. He told me the action which need to be done. Isn't that enough? NO!
This one we have been doing for 45 years!
Me (a Feeler), watching him put on his boots, "Are you leaving now?"
He (a Thinker), "No".
Me, "Are you going outside to work?"
He, "No"
After a few more "No" exchanges, in exasperation I ask, "Then what are you going to do!?"
"I'm going to work in the attic."
"Why didn't you just tell me."
"You didn't ask."
Ahhh!
My husband (a Thinker) is patient with when I go on and on about something, often repeating myself. He thinks that I just need to talk and it will hopefully end soon. I (a Feeler) ignore his attempts to offer solutions and keep rehashing feelings. We are working on learning to meet my need to be understood, validated, and hugged, before can I move on to solutions.
"I am sensitive. Tell me you needs and I'll address them." my husband
I ask my husband to read my articles. He, stone faced, corrects some punctuation and closes my laptop. His task is finished. I sit stunned wondering if that is it. After a moment, I ask how he liked it. He said it was good. I, a Feeler, was looking for great words of admiration. He, a Thinker, was diligently proofreading my article for me. If there was a problem, he would have let me know. (I talked with him and he is doing much better now.)
No comments:
Post a Comment