I can manage this balance for a short time, but when my Dominant Intuitive abilities are suppressed for very long, I become very stressed. I do not feel like myself, and, without my Intuitive ability, I'm not really me. I can no longer see patterns, receive inspiration, create, see possible consequences, meaning in life, or work toward future goals. I don't feel connected with who I am and with my own needs and feelings. I become grouchy, critical, frustrated, emotional, illogical, depressed, and physically ill (headaches, muscle aches, nausea, IBS, fatigued, shaky). I withdraw from people, nibble all day, and constantly clean and organize my home. Finally, and mercifully, I collapse in exhaustion.
How do I get into this mess? It really isn't that hard. Just being in a physical world filled with people will do it. First of all, it is pretty hard to ignore my weakest ability like most people are able to do. Around 75% of the population prefers to use their Sensing ability over their Intuition. Does this cause them much distress? No. When they want, or need, Intuitive abilities, they simply buy them from artists, musicians, writers, film makers, counselors, professors, architects, sociologists, designers, and philosophers, and then they happily proceed through their day completing their "to do lists" or "going for the gusto".
Needing to eat, brush my teeth, wash clothes, keep a home clean, run errands, order items, fill out reports, pay bills, exercise, answer emails etc., etc., etc ..... makes it impossible to simply ignore my weakest ability; Extroverted Sensing (Se). There are school, job, family, friend, church, and society demands. I must use my weakest sensing ability all the time.
I love people and have the ability to sense their needs and a deep desire to help them. Therefore I can easily end up spending too much of my time using my Extroverted Feeling ability (Fe) to listen, counsel, and try and support others.
So there I am, an Introverted Dominant Intuitive trying to act like I am an Extroverted Sensing and Feeling person. I firmly repress all "flighty" nonconventional Intuitive ideas and my feelings of frustration and rejection. I try to appear "nice", but I am suffering.
After a while of trying to just use my Extroverted Sensing and Extroverted Feeling abilities to meet others' needs, I begin to feel unappreciated and that no one loves or wants the real me. Actually, they haven't even seen the real me.
Of course, others appreciate what they understand and is familiar to them, which generally is people like themselves. They may rarely appreciate or even acknowledge my Intuitive abilities. I have to accept this and not expect others to be like I am. I have to also remember that no one will appreciate my irrational emotional outbursts and depression when I become over-stressed. As Popeye says, "I am who I am!" Sensing, Feeling, and Thinking abilities are great gifts, and so are my Intuitive abilities. My value depends on who I am as a daughter of God, not on others' ability to understand and appreciate my gifts. I must be who I am and let my clear Intuitive Feeling light shine.
When I don't be myself and instead over-use my second (auxiliary) ability, Feeling, and my fourth (weakest) ability, Sensing, I experience tremendous stress. Since I recharge, like everyone else, when I use my strongest ability, not using my Intuitive ability causes my battery to quickly run down, leaving me a mere lump just sitting there staring at nothing.
How do I recover? How do I get back into my normal balance again? Mainly, I have to let my Dominant function, Intuition, lead. Using Intuition is what energizes me. Supported by my Feeling abilities, it is where I create and find meaning and fulfillment in life. Turning down the volume of the world by minimizing Sensing input and details helps me access my Intuitive talents and feel at peace again.
Fortunately, I married a super-Sensing person, an ISTJ (Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging). His idea of a great day is when he gets a job done. He basks in a sense of accomplishment when crossing an item off his "To Do" list. My husband is actually energized by doing details! How could I have picked a better mate?
He gives me quiet time alone so I can use my intuitive abilities by thinking, writing, and studying, and he doesn't interrupt my chain of thought. He even watches his football games on low or mute (keeps sensory input down).
He handles most of the details for us including driving and housework, so I don't have to keep my intuition suppressed and can create.
He listens when I share ideas, and proof-reads my writing. My husband encourages me to write "for us" and praises my work.
He not only respects and supports my values, but will discuss ideas until we are united. Harmony is important for me since I am an NF (Intuitive Feeling) person.
He allows me to leave socials when I am getting tired (too much sensory and emotional input).
He goes on hikes with me almost every day (we live in the desert). Being in out nature and exercising helps me to feel at peace and relax.
He watches fun old comedies and musicals with me. It really helps me to laugh. I am so serious that I hardly need dramas.
He allows me time to readjust my plans. (I can't cope quickly with Sensing details and it takes me time to make a new Intuitive plan.)
He will plan with me, so that I can know where we are headed. As an Intuitive, I must be allowed time to predict future consequences and make sure this action matches my values and goals, before I can act.
He tries to be open to new ideas, evaluations, suggestions, and my Intuitive insights. This takes a lot of love for a "tried and true" ISTJ type.
He tries to listen and not criticize my ideas, or belittle me when I have trouble with handling details.
Because he is so grounded about Sensing details, my husband helps me check my plans with reality. When my Dominant Intuitive function isn't in charge, I lose focus on my goals. I end up using my second ability, Extroverted Feeling, too much. When this happens, my focus is on what other people need and want. It then becomes very easy for me to commit to do more than I am able and end up exhausted. My husband helps me set boundaries and avoid stressful people, places, and situations.
I forget to allow time to meet my Intuitive needs for thinking, studying, and writing time, so I can remain balanced. I need time to plan how to reach my goals, to study, pray, meditate, and write out my plans so I can evaluate them. I also need time to write out how I am feeling in my Journal (I write in poetry form). When I can see my ideas and feelings on paper, I can use my logical Thinking and Sensing abilities to help me make plans and decisions that will work in the "real" world.
Without Intuitive time, I lose my balance. Meeting other people's needs and wants consumes all my time. I don't know what my goals are, or how to reach them. I have no idea what I am feeling, and I have no creative expression. I squander my energy endlessly running around doing Sensing details as I try to "make people happy", until I become so ill that I collapse.
Also, I don't notice my Sensing needs such as my need to eat on time, exercise, and rest. I know this may seem strange, but think of the "Absent Minded Professor". INFJ's have an incredible ability to focus on ideas, or empathize with others needs to a point that we become unaware of anything else .
My husband helps me accept my time and energy limits. I may fight him a bit, because I really want to do all that I plan, but he keeps asking me obnoxious questions such as, "When are you going to eat?" and "What were you planning to give up so you can to do that?". His logical Thinking ability helps me to see, without all the emotional pulls I feel, my real limits. Yes, it all works out great in my mind, but in this physical world it sure doesn't!
His willingness, over the last 45 years, to share his strengths to cover my weaknesses, and vice versa, has helped us to develop a close relationship and for us both to live happier lives.
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