Personality Type and Gender

After having raised an ISFP (Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceptive) girl, an ESTP (Extroverted Sensing Thinking Perceptive) boy, an INTJ (Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging ) girl, an INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceptive) boy, and after being an INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging) married to an ISTJ (Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging) husband, I have some questions about personality and gender.

I've seen my NTJ girl struggle with being expected to be submissive and more "feminine". Her clear thinking decisiveness was not well accepted, though it would be valued in a male. I've also seen my NF son being told "to toughen up".  His gentleness and sensitiveness are viewed as "feminine" and would have been valued more if he had been a girl.

True, 3/4th of all females are Feeling and 3/4th of all males are Thinking, but that does not make these characteristics either male or female.  If you are a Feeling person, that does not make you female, and if you are a thinking person, that does not make you male. If you are a SP (Sensing Perceptive) girl who loves sports and is out to win, that doesn't make you a boy. If you are an intuitive boy who likes to think and read, that does not make you a girl.


What I am wondering is whether our society is defining "Male" and "Female " too narrowly.  I saw my Feeling daughter more accepted as female than my Thinking daughter. I saw my Thinking son more excepted as male, while my NF son didn't fit in with the other boys.  I saw my action driven, forceful son (Sensing Thinking Perceptive) viewed as "a real man", and my emotional, compassionate SF (Sensing Feeling) daughter as "very feminine".

I saw my two intuitive children, NT (Intuitive Thinking) daughter and NF (Intuitive Feeling) son, not well accepted by society. As an NF female myself, I have often not felt well accepted. Some claim that I am "too ethereal" and "hard-nosed" about principles. While I can easily talk to men about ideas, I find few women who can discuss ideas with me. I have been viewed as "not a normal female", and it is true that I am not like SJ (Sensing Judging) or SP (Sensing Perceptive) females. Intuitives are often viewed as strange and weird. In actually, we are simply the minority in a predominately Sensing culture (nearly 3/4 of American population are Sensing while only 1/3 are Intuitive; evenly divided between male and female).

My question is, "Is our definition of gender too limiting?"  Do you have to be the "jock" SP (Sensing Perceptive) or the the "responsible" SJ (Sensing Judging), to be male?  Do you have to be "fluffy" to be female? Do you have to be the exciting, emotional SFP  (Sensing Feeling Perceptive) woman or the devoted SFJ (Sensing Feeling Judging) homemaker, to be female?

To see society's definition of male and female look at baby and toddler clothes. The tiniest infant boy is shoved into "rugged"  outfits built to take tough play, while girls clothes would shred in the if she moves outdoors. She is obviously expected to daintily sit still and just look "Pretty".

I feel that God has given us each different gifts. Some women have tremendous drive and leadership ability. Some men have little interest in being "a pillar of society".  Is  a "Transgender" girl merely the "Tomboy" of the past? Is the sensitive "gay" boy merely a poet type, or a "bookworm"?

Are boys and girls feeling rejected by others of their gender? Would a T (Thinking) girl identify more with males because the Thinking approach is more common in males. Would a F (Feeling) boy be more drawn to females, because he fits into their Feeling dominated society better? Does rejection by others of your gender push you toward the other gender? I don't think it always would, but there are some who might turn a a more accepting gender to associate with.  Are we pushing young girls and young boys to act in ways that are not normal for their personality? Have we deprived our society of many gifted people, by rejecting less common personalities?

Are our expectations of what is male and what is female behavior too narrow, too rigid, too traditional?  Isn't it time that we move beyond the stereotyped, submissive, "sweet", non-athletic girl image, and the dominate, athletic or upright male image? Isn't it time we finally accept and love our different and wonderful personalities and appreciate each other as we really are?