My ISFJ Mom

What was it like growing up with an ISFJ (Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging) mom? The first things I think of are kindness and order. Our home was always very clean and neat, meals were nutritious and on time, our clothes were clean and ironed,  the beds were made, our yard was lovely, everything had a place and was in it, holidays and birthdays were important, and tradition was sacred. Mom loved to garden. Everywhere we lived had beautiful flowers. She even turned a field and a gravel driveway in flower gardens.  She was kind and gentle and loved animals. We always had a dog and usually cats. Mom treated the dog as if it was another child.

I remember most her kindness toward all living things and her deep appreciation of beauty.  When I was little, Mom enjoyed paint-by-number oil painting. She loved to sew, and when I was a little girl, she made me many dresses and my brother shirts.  When I was a teen, she learned to knit and made me beautiful sweaters, and when I married and had children, she made baby blankets, sweaters, and outfits for my children. She began painting pictures of flowers and scenes when she was in her fifties. Mom made stunning flower arrangements. Though she liked crafts, her favorite thing as creating a beautiful garden.


I remember her most by things she did for me. She decorated a birthday cake like the skirt of a dress with one of my dolls in the middle. She made cloths for my dolls, and baked cookies. Mom gave me her old clothes, shoes, and stockings for dress up, and empty cartons to play store with. She even became an assistant Brownie leader, so I could be a Brownie and served in the PTA (Parent Teacher Association) at my school. Mom made large Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, and even made my wedding dress and gave us an open house. She also made teddy bears for my children, jackets for her husband, and slip covers for the sofa. Mom took me on shopping trips to fabric stores, and taught me how to cook, bake, clean, garden, and sew.

Christmas was very important to her and birthdays. Her presents were all wrapped beautifully. She even wrapped school supplies so there would be ample presents. She spent hours baking all the traditional goodies, and carefully setting out all of our decorations each year.

She enjoyed reading Readers Digest books and mysteries in the evening. Mom always tried to have the TV in a place other than the living room where she liked to read.  She valued education and often took us to the library.

Family was all important to her. She was always there for us, and tried to make us happy. She came to every program I was in, took us to parks to play, and let my brother and I make cookies on rainy days and build with Lincoln logs in the living room. She dutifully wrote her mother each month, and we visited my grandparents every other year. She loved our family being home together, and she didn't like strangers, intruding.

She expected all to be perfect, including her children. We were to always be polite, look neat, and speak respectfully. We were not to be ill, or get anything less than A's on our report card.

My mother brought many good things into my life and a strong sense of order and dependability. Having a daughter who was an INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging) daughter was a bit of a trial for her. By seven, I was informing her that anything that wasn't good for children, such as swearing, drinking or smoking, also wasn't good for adults. Idealists are uncompromising and sometimes a bit obnoxious. I questioned traditions and everything else. I usually did not do well with all the crafts she gave me, but she didn't give up hoping to find some hidden talent within me -- there wasn't. As a creative intellectual, I didn't fit well in her orderly world, but I did appreciate it, her talents, and her love.