Managing the Holidays as an Introvert

Does the hustle and bustle of the holidays make you cringe as you anticipate it? Does a full engagement calendar make you feel like running for the hills? Does the thought of Christmas shopping turn you into a Grinch? Chances are you are an introvert like me. 

I really care for my family and friends so much, and I love being with them, but not all at once! During the three weeks before Christmas, I am expected to be more social than I am for the rest of the year combined. Every couple of days there is something "special" to go to. I confess that I really would enjoy each event -- if they were spread throughout the year!

Introverts at a Holiday Dinner

There we were sitting at the table: five introverts with three extroverts. The two dynamic extroverts each positioned themselves at opposite ends of the table with the introverts and the older, quieter extrovert seated between them. 

What happened?  Everyone ate, enjoyed being together as a family, and the introverts listened as the extroverts carried on their piercingly loud conversation with each other from opposite ends of a long table. Supposedly, they were trying in include all of us in their conversation. 

Were the introverts quiet because they just enjoyed listening and had nothing to say? As one of those quiet introverts, my answer is, "No". I would have liked to ask a few questions and talk with people that I haven't seen in nearly a year. Why didn't I? I tried to slip in a few words. I even tried to interrupt, but my words were drowned out by the extroverts' jubilant chatter. 

Are you in the right job for your personality type?

Many people drag home each evening exhausted from a day at work. Why? Of course there some jobs which are inherently stressful such as police, fire, and emergency rescue work. Also, there are jobs with stressful work environments such as working with strong chemicals, or offices with poor ventilation.  Unfortunately, there are also unreasonable bosses and negative co-workers, but, I believe, that the major source of job stress is personality type misfit.

There seems to be the right person for most any job and many wrong fits. Envision the classic "absent minded professor" (an INFJ) in a job where he is required to fill out many forms and submit them on time. Talk about a set up for failure! Not only that, what a waste of his abilities. Now envision that same job with an ISTJ. He strides in, briefcase in hand, ready to tackle, and master, the mountain of paper work in front of him. At the end of the day he leaves for his home energized by a job well done.

First - Learn Your Personality Type So how do you find that job which is a perfect fit for you?

Victim Mentality

People who think of themselves as a victim lack self esteem. They don't have confidence that they are capable to deal with life. They live a fearfully believing that "the world is against them" and that "everyone is out to get them". They see themselves as powerless, and so they passively surrender control over their life to others. They slouch, complain, and blame their way through life completely smothered in self-pity. 

Why would anyone do this? Everything we keep doing, we do for the rewards. Though being a victim may not sound very rewarding, it is very effective at protecting weak self esteem. Think about it. You don't have to take responsibility for anything - just blame it on someone else. No one is going to expect you to do something you might not be able to do. You don't need to fear failure, uncertainty, or rejection. You can remain safe and snug in your comfort zone. There is no risk, so you'll avoid a lot of pain. Of course you won't grow or develop the skills and confidence to deal with life or have any joy, but you are secure. 

How Do I Stop Being a Victim?

It has helped me to understand that the "Victim" way of looking at life isn't reality. It is just a coping method, and it has to be taught. Anything that has been learned can be replaced by new learning. I tell myself that I can learn a new pattern for coping with life.

Think back. Who taught you that life was frightening; something to hide from; something that you had no control over? Who taught you that you were weak and helpless?

The Intuitive Empath

An Empath is a person who feels and understands the thoughts, emotions, and energy of others. Intuitive Empaths are often:
Claircognizant or clear knowing
Clairsentience- clear feeling; picks up others emotions; feel of a place, people or animals; may have some feeling of how others are doing even at distances
Clairvoyance - sees images in mind; daydreams, uses metaphors, "I see" concepts in mind

Here are some descriptive comments about Intuitive Empaths:
are a constant thinker, and learner
ability to combine feeling and intuition
somehow knows what needs to be done
see a purpose and pattern to life instead of just a string of "coincidences".
are receptive to input from outside of themselves: receptive to spirit, to revelation, insights, ideas, sudden new thoughts; see images in mind; daydream

INFJ from the perspective of the StrengthsFinder

Clifton StrengthsFinder

mine; priorities in my life

Ideation (N)

see patterns & concepts

make connections

form new ideas

need study many subjects

need time to think

partner with an analyzer for balance; apply ideas is real world; practical

need to change environment often

Strategy (INJ)

chart course

see consequences

plan to avoid problems

trust intuition

need time to think out ideas

good at counseling