How Do I Stop Being a Victim?

It has helped me to understand that the "Victim" way of looking at life isn't reality. It is just a coping method, and it has to be taught. Anything that has been learned can be replaced by new learning. I tell myself that I can learn a new pattern for coping with life.

Think back. Who taught you that life was frightening; something to hide from; something that you had no control over? Who taught you that you were weak and helpless?

Marriage between Detailed and Creative people

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2013-10-1111-equally-yoked-together?lang=eng&_r=1&category=hasten-the-work/members-and-missionaries

I saw this video and it made me think of learning to "pull together" in marriage.

He shops, cleans, does laundry,
and pays bills "for us".
Allowing me the quiet time
I need to study and think,
 so I can write "for us".

Forty-four years ago I never thought I would write something like this, but I just did. In fact, I wondered if our marriage ever work. We were miserable. He was always so critical of everything I did. I wanted him to be more relaxed, and have a little spontaneity. He never wanted anything to change, and that was what my life was about -- change. My credo was, "Why not?" and his was, "Why!". He was a firm believer in, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!", while I longed to help everyone achieve their potential. My husband lived in constant fear of his "irresponsible, immature, incapable" partner who he tried, unsuccessfully, to keep in tight control. I grew increasingly resentful and angry toward this ISTJ (introverted sensing thinking judging) person who kept trying to "correct" me and who treated me like I was a child. I felt like I had red lines marked all over me. I definitely did not want to be made over into some "proper, orderly" person. If that is what he wanted, then why hadn't he married someone who was like that. I had been me. I hadn't pretended (like I could!) to be any one different. I was who I am-- a gifted creative person, an INFJ (introverted intuitive feeling judging) individual.

Well, how did we get from that dismal point to where we are now? Mainly, with a lot of prayer. I'm not kidding. It took help beyond our own for us both to appreciate the other's strengths.