For years I have struggled with decision making. So often I've found myself doing things that I don't want to do and wondering why I'm doing it. After many "wrong for me" decisions, I end up over stressed and totally exhausted. Dazed, I just sit there wondering what happened.
As an INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging) person, I live by my principles and values. They form the core of my being. One thing I value is having unity between people. I seem to get in trouble when I make decisions based only on trying to keep harmony between people. This is a great goal, but for an idealist who wants to improve the world, it doesn't work. Improving requires change. Living by principles often leaves me standing alone. Sometimes I am seen as "not a team player" and, sometimes, as being impractical. People tell me that I have to accept things as they are and just "live in the moment", but how can I settle merely for the status quo when I have the ability to foresee possibilities? I simply can't. It would mean giving up what energizes me. It would mean giving up my purpose in life. I truly desire to gently help each person become their best; to develop their talents and to have the greatest happiness possible. I believe in people's potential.
Yes, I want everyone to be united together in choosing the good, but if they are settling for less, then keeping harmony would require surrendering my ideals. This obviously is not a decision that my second strongest ability, Fe (Extroverted Feeling), can handle. It is my nature to light the way to the best, not to hide amid a homogeneous crowd.
My problem seems to be that I've so loved soaring in the world of my mind (using my introverted intuition Ni) that I've left my Feeling side to deal with all the decisions. Since my Fe desires harmony, I often end up doing things I that really don't want to do and that are in conflict with my principles and other values. Soon, once more, there I am over-extended again.
Many times I've heard that INFJs can only live happy fulfilling lives if they are "balanced". I am beginning to wonder if this means making decisions with the help of all my abilities.
Though decisions are made through our Feeling or Thinking preferences, that doesn't seem enough. My Feeling ability is directed toward the outside world. Being able to feel others' emotions helps me communicate with others and gives me the desire to help them, but it doesn't help me know my needs and feelings. I need to write or talk to know what is happening inside of me. What do I really want to do?
I need to check in with my Sensing side to determine how I am doing physically and determine the practicality of the decision. Is there anything that has happened in the past that can guide my decision? Do I have the stamina, time, and resources to do it?
Using my Introverted Thinking (Ti) ability helps me check the logic of the decision and determine if it is congruent with my Intuitive principles. It enables me to step back and evaluate my Sensing data and determine the consequences of each option.
As I am becoming "more mature", I am finding that I am relying more on my third ability, Introverted Thinking (Ti), to help me make good decisions. It is giving me the opportunity to access and evaluate the input from both Intuition and Sensing and check the logic of my Feeling reasoning. Of course I will choose a decision which will be the best for all the people involved (Extroverted Feeling Fe), including me, and that will hopefully maintain harmony. More than that, my decision must also consider what I know from my Intuitive and Sensing abilities. Only then can I make a realistic decision that can help reach the human potential that my dominant Intuitive (Ni) side envisions.
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