My perspective at 72 of being an INFJ

 

At nearly 72, I'm realizing that I don't need others to approve of me or understand me. I am an INFJ and finally accept that, except for others like me, most people are not capable of understanding what I say, much less who I am. 

I have changed my expectations and now feel a deep peace. I appreciate others for who they are, share what we can together, learn from them, and enjoy working together with them. 

I now accept my limitations. If I must interact socially, I'll relax for a long time before and after. I also compensate for the stress of having to do routine details or anything which requires me to work in thinking or sensing mode for a long time. Walking in nature, getting lost a good upbeat story, or doing a puzzle really relaxes me. 

Gently leading others by example is so much more peaceful than trying to push others to change. It is fulfilling to develop and share my talents to inspire others (I write on my blogs, paint, and do photography). Now, I just live what I believe to be right, and enjoy life. I am, finally, just being who I am, an INFJ.

Photo- me biking at Zion National Park a month ago. My first outing after recovering from stage 3 ovarian cancer

Creating Emotional Balance as an Enneagram Type 9

As an INFJ, I've heard many times how essential balance is to my happiness, but I've been unsure what that meant. Now that I'm also studying the Enneagram Type 9, I better understand how to achieve this balance in my life.

Suppressing my Feelings and Needs As a Type 9, I can be very receptive to others' emotions. This can give me great empathy, and it allows me to understand many points of view. It can also enable me to be very supportive of other people and bring unity to groups. It can become a serious problem if I rely on this ability too heavily. By inappropriately suppressing my feelings and needs, so that I can be more receptive to others, I can end up losing my own sense of identity. 

Losing my Identity This is one of my major challenges in life. When I lose my identity, I have to spend weeks alone, thinking, to  rediscover who I really am. If I regularly take the time to notice what I am feeling, it helps to keep me connected with myself. Writing poems, journal keeping, and sharing my feelings with close friends, such as my husband, all assist me to remember who I am.  I also need time before I make decisions. It helps me connect to my introverted functions of intuition and thinking when I write out and discuss the pros and cons, and consider my own goals and needs, then I'm able to evaluate how best to support others. This regular reflective time where I engage my strongest ability, introverted intuition, supported by my introverted thinking, and with my extroverted feeling values and information and sensing input, is essential to maintaining my balance in life. 

As an INFJ how can I make the best decision?

For years I have struggled with decision making. So often I've found myself doing things that I don't want to do and wondering why I'm doing it. After many "wrong for me" decisions, I end up over stressed and totally exhausted. Dazed, I just sit there wondering what happened.

As an INFJ (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging) person, I live by my principles and values. They form the core of my being. One thing I value is having unity between people. I seem to get in trouble when I make decisions based only on trying to keep harmony between people. This is a great goal, but for an idealist who wants to improve the world, it doesn't work. Improving requires change. Living by principles often leaves me standing alone. Sometimes I am seen as "not a team player" and, sometimes, as being impractical. People tell me that I have to accept things as they are and just "live in the moment", but how can I settle merely for the status quo when I have the ability to foresee possibilities? I simply can't. It would mean giving up what energizes me. It would mean giving up my purpose in life. I truly desire to gently help each person become their best; to develop their talents and to have the greatest happiness possible. I believe in people's potential.

Balancing my life as an INFJ

My life as an INFJ (introverted Intuitive Ni; supported by extroverted Feeling Fe) has been a series of "Boom and Bust" cycles. Even as a kid, I would be exhausted by the end of a day at school and would recharge by immersing myself in a good fantasy book for most of the weekend.

Why all this stress? Why are INFJs the most stressed of all personality types? One of the main reasons is that we are so different from most people. Not only does this mean that others find it very difficult to understand INFJs, but also we do not easily fit in society since behavioral expectations are set by the most common personality types. This isn't us. Though there is still a lot of debate over whether extroverts out number introverts, most agree that extroverts range from 50% to 74% of the population. But regardless of the percentage, our society in the United States is dominantly extroverted (compare it to an Introvert culture such as Japan). Also, in our culture Sensors are about 75% of the population and Intutitivies are only 25% of our population.  Now consider that of the 25% who are Intutitivies, less than 6% (INFJs 1% and INFPs 4.4%) use their Intuition in an Introverted way supported by Feeling.