How an ESFP can help an INTJ with Stress

I know an INTJ who works in a high stress field. I have been wondering how can her husband, an ESFP, help her cope with her stress?

In General:
"ESFPs are essentially easygoing, adaptive, playful, and freedom-loving people who like to live fully in the present moment. In contrast, INTJs are quiet, ambitious, and intellectual people who strive to find, meet, and exceed ever-increasing challenges." 1

With his love of life and his living in the present, the ESFP husband has the ability to balance his intellectual, future living INTJ spouse. By being himself, he can help her enjoy living and help her get in touch with her feelings. He can also provide her with the quiet, orderly environment she needs and handle many of the routine details of life. This will help her be more relaxed since she has little Sensing ability.

Basically INTJs will become stressed, like everyone else, when they are having to use their weakest abilities too much (for them their Feeling and Sensing abilities). Too much time spent in their strongest abilities (for them Intuition and Thinking) can also fatigue the INTJ. Balance is essential for the INTJs well being. Since her weakest areas are an ESFP strengths, her husband can do a lot to help her keep her life in balance. (refer to BASICS at the bottom of the page)

What Makes INFJ and INTJ People Unusual?

Generally, I have the feeling that I am going Up the Down staircase. My comments are frequently met by blank stairs and a sudden awkward pause in the conversation. Conversely, I stare blankly when other women conspirately share where to get the latest outfit or gadget.

Life can be very stressful for me. I find that I must consciously protect myself from a loud bustling world and the constant bombardment of feelings from other people.

To me a perfect day is definitely NOT made by a checked off task list, and lots of bustling around. Instead I long for lots of unstructured time to explore and create new ideas. I enjoy helping people individually to reach their potential through understanding who they are and why they are here. I ponder the purpose of life and enjoy the beauty and serenity of nature. I am the rose in the corn field, the philosopher in a world of doers. I am an INFJ.

Being an INFJ, it is my nature to question why am so different. How I do things seems "normal" to me. What am I doing differently than most people? My daughter, an INTJ, also experiences this sense of "differentness". Why?

Obviously, we are both intuitives. Around 30% of the population prefers to use intuition, impressions and inspiration, to gather information. Intuitives are ever looking for new possibilities, new patterns, new understanding. On the other hand, 70% of the people feel more comfortable with information which comes to them through their senses. Sensors love the tried and true and past experiences are valued, recorded, and applied in daily life.

But why do we often feel "odd" even among intuitives? I looked further and discovered that though less than one third of all people (in the US) are intuitive, we do not all use intuition in the same way.

Introverts' Socializing Styles

I know of introverts who dress all in black, some even with punky hair.  The message is clear -- keep your distance! They are letting the world know that they don't want interaction. With other kindred spirits, they live cocooned in a world of creativity rich in music, art, and fantasy. But that's not me.

I know of other introverts who quietly and steadily do their job. They live contentedly taking pride in their tremendous ability to manage details and in their immense capacity for concentration. They prefer to work alone and they accomplish much. Sometimes they enjoy being around people, and listening to others talk, but generally you will find them in a quiet corner talking details with another person like themselves. The don't need much interaction. If communication is required, they prefer that it be written. When necessary they will frugally measure out a few spoken words. My husband (ISTJ) is like this, but I'm not.

I know of some introverts who spend their lives quietly serving people. These (ISFJ and ISFP) practical people oriented introverts gravitate to occupations where they can quietly interact one on one in fields such as health care, child care, management, and homemaking. They concentrate their energies on doing things for people. Quickly tiring of relating, they retreat into action. "There is always something that needs doing!" is their motto.  That's not me either.