How an ISTJ can Help an INFJ Cope with Stress

As an INFJ, I know about stress. For me, a person with Dominant Introverted Intuition, I can only access my greatest strength, create, and recharge, in my mind, but I also need to deal with the people and things around me. Though my mind flourishes in the world of imagination, my body does not. I live in a physical world. To use my Intuitive abilities, I must suppress my Sensing abilities. I have to shut out the world around me and enter the world of the mind. Conversely, to deal with the "real" world, I have to suppress my creative Intuitive abilities so I can use my Sensing abilities. Balancing between my two worlds, like walking a tightrope, is inherently stressful. 

I can manage this balance for a short time, but when my Dominant Intuitive abilities are suppressed for very long, I become very stressed. I do not feel like myself, and, without my Intuitive ability, I'm not really me. I can no longer see patterns, receive inspiration, create, see possible consequences, meaning in life, or work toward future goals. I don't feel connected with who I am and with my own needs and feelings. I become grouchy, critical, frustrated, emotional, illogical, depressed, and physically ill (headaches, muscle aches, nausea, IBS, fatigued, shaky). I withdraw from people, nibble all day, and constantly clean and organize my home. Finally, and mercifully, I collapse in exhaustion.

Coping with Stress - INFJ and INTJ Compaired

Since I have a family member who is an INTJ, I was wondering how she would be similar in coping with stress with me, an INFJ.  I know we both struggle with becoming overstressed. Since we are both INJ (introverted intuitive) we both prefer to use our dominant (strongest) ability in our minds and use our auxiliary (2nd strongest) ability to deal with the world.  We are the only two Dominant Introverted Intuitive personality types. We both prefer to use intuition in the inner world of the mind to gain insights, see patterns and meaning, and predict future outcomes. Our difference is that she uses Thinking to deal with the world and support her Intuition while I prefer to use Feeling to support my Intuition. It seems that though we would be similar in what stresses us as Intuitives, our Thinking and Feeling difference would make our stressors and coping also quite different.

As Dominant Introverted Intuitives, we must both deal daily with getting access to our strengths. Our challenge is that the level of internal concentration necessary to see intuitively all this meaning, projections, and patterns can only be done when our minds are not being distracted by the outside sensing world.  This isn't easy to do since we live in a Sensing world. Noise, bright lights, busyness, outside pressure, and too much specific data thrown at us too quickly, can frustrate us by preventing us from using our strong Introverted Intuitive strengths. And so, we struggle with living in two worlds. Though we live surrounded by a Sensing world, we can only utilize our considerable Introverted Intuitive ability in the world of the mind.

How an ESFP can help an INTJ with Stress

I know an INTJ who works in a high stress field. I have been wondering how can her husband, an ESFP, help her cope with her stress?

In General:
"ESFPs are essentially easygoing, adaptive, playful, and freedom-loving people who like to live fully in the present moment. In contrast, INTJs are quiet, ambitious, and intellectual people who strive to find, meet, and exceed ever-increasing challenges." 1

With his love of life and his living in the present, the ESFP husband has the ability to balance his intellectual, future living INTJ spouse. By being himself, he can help her enjoy living and help her get in touch with her feelings. He can also provide her with the quiet, orderly environment she needs and handle many of the routine details of life. This will help her be more relaxed since she has little Sensing ability.

Basically INTJs will become stressed, like everyone else, when they are having to use their weakest abilities too much (for them their Feeling and Sensing abilities). Too much time spent in their strongest abilities (for them Intuition and Thinking) can also fatigue the INTJ. Balance is essential for the INTJs well being. Since her weakest areas are an ESFP strengths, her husband can do a lot to help her keep her life in balance. (refer to BASICS at the bottom of the page)

Help with Stress for an INFJ Empath

Basics
Ni (introverted intuition) is my dominant ability and needs to be in charge so I can think, process, solve problems, and maintain my normal balance in life. Since it is an introverted function, I can only use this ability when I am calm and being in a quiet place helps me focus intuitive abilities (Ni). Being alone allows others emotions to dissipate and puts me in touch with who I am and what I am feeling. If I am actively using my Se (Extroverted Sensing) ability, or my Fe (Extroverted Feeling) ability, then I must suppress (not use) my Ni ability and am therefore not in control of my life.

Se (extroverted sensing) allows me to pick up information and deal with the outside world. Fe (extroverted feeling) allows me to absorb the emotions of others. I can only use these my extroverted functions to provide information which my Dominate Intuitive ability uses to direct my thoughts and actions. I can use my introverted Ti and NI abilities together easily to analyze ideas and plan how meet my goals.

General Help

1. Be alone - I need to be alone without sensory input (peace and quiet) to be able to truly access and use my Dominate Intuitive abilities; to think; to write; to recharge; to solve problems, to receive inspiration; to set priorities and goals; to dissipate others emotions through writing; to be in control of my life; to be at peace. Gives rest from over-use of subordinate functions (Se extroverted sensing and Fe extroverted feeling).
   

Causes of Stress for an INFJ Empath

INFJ’s desire to help people by listening, counseling and giving emotional
support. As an INFJ empath, I struggle with chronic stress. After looking
at my life from a Personality Type perspective, it seems that most stress
comes when I do not use my strengths, but, instead, try to live as a sensing
person (Se) always busily engaged with the world, and an extroverted
feeling person (Fe) always interacting with people. This is my attempt to
change; to be me, to be more at peace, less stressed, and happier.
Suggestions for change are in blue.

INFJ - (Ni ) Introverted Intuition is Dominant ability
(Fe) 2nd, or auxiliary ability, is Extroverted Feeling
(Ti ) 3rd ability is Introverted Thinking
(Se) 4th, or weakest ability, is Extroverted Sensing

Causes of Stress for an INFJ Empath

1. Excess Sensory Stimulation - can feel overwhelmed; to use dominate Ni must be an quiet meditative state; loud noises, bright lights, clutter, fast movement; jiggling, roughness, spicy, strong perfume, or other strong smells or tastes; avoid and minimize; quiet sanctuary; nature;

2. Too Many Details and Pressure- can feel overwhelmed; pressure to handle too many things too quickly (deadlines), busyness, clutter; too much Se (4th ability); need to explore one topic at time deeply; focus on one thing at a time; simple home and simple routines;

3. Interruptions - will break the dominant Ni concentration; have a sanctuary in my home; not give out phone number; set boundaries 

4. Too Much Extraverting - can be overwhelming and draining: INFJ's are relationship oriented; like to form deep relationships with a few people; only use Fe (2nd, auxiliary) for support to Ni function, Fe enables to empathize, feel, and listen to others but is not my main source of energy; if use for a long time, it will drain me; majority of time on Ni 3 times as long; limit social; limit only to the most important social interactions