My ISFJ Mom

What was it like growing up with an ISFJ (Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging) mom? The first things I think of are kindness and order. Our home was always very clean and neat, meals were nutritious and on time, our clothes were clean and ironed,  the beds were made, our yard was lovely, everything had a place and was in it, holidays and birthdays were important, and tradition was sacred. Mom loved to garden. Everywhere we lived had beautiful flowers. She even turned a field and a gravel driveway in flower gardens.  She was kind and gentle and loved animals. We always had a dog and usually cats. Mom treated the dog as if it was another child.

I remember most her kindness toward all living things and her deep appreciation of beauty.  When I was little, Mom enjoyed paint-by-number oil painting. She loved to sew, and when I was a little girl, she made me many dresses and my brother shirts.  When I was a teen, she learned to knit and made me beautiful sweaters, and when I married and had children, she made baby blankets, sweaters, and outfits for my children. She began painting pictures of flowers and scenes when she was in her fifties. Mom made stunning flower arrangements. Though she liked crafts, her favorite thing as creating a beautiful garden.

ISTJ Style of Fun

My husband, a true ISTJ (Introverted Sensing Think Judging), was recently asked what he does for fun. This question left my husband at a complete loss for a response. Why? Doesn't he have fun?

The problem is that ISTJ's often do not lable the things they enjoy as "fun". "Fun" is a flighty term. Most of what he enjoys comes under the category of "it needed to be done".  Sure, if pressed, he might admit that he enjoys fixing and building things. Does he think fun is bad or a waste of time? No, he just thrives on accomplishment.  ISTJ's love to make lists and cross the items off.

For a personality which has a very high tolerance for repetitive details, likes to schedule, values accomplishment,  and only "plays after all the work is done",  play is a serious business. Always seeking for improvement, they measure how many baskets they got, steps they ran, ski runs without falling, laps they swim. Organized sports such as baseball, basketball, and volleyball where lines are drawn (literally) and rules are clear are favorites of the ISTJ.

ESFP - Enjoying Life!

Motivation
by a desire to freely enjoy life and amuse self- to be happy and satisfied
want to make a difference and do something meaningful
to help other people enjoy life too - find what things they need and things to do in the real world to increase their enjoyment of life; entertain them; motivate them to action
excited about the real world and want to engage others into enjoying it too
to have a wide variety of experiences
keep options open
to escape anxiety (fear about what might happen)

Characteristics
warm, charming, witty, friendly, genuine caring, generous, willing to help, lively, vivacious, eager, spontaneous, resilient, cheerful, practical, productive, free-spirited, fun-loving, energetic, animated, approachable, sensitive, idealistic (freedom), actively engage in life,  honestly want others to be happy, sense of style (like arts) flare,  love to learn, up and positive, observant,

Are ESFP's Irresponsible?

Well, if you ask their wives, they think so. I've known several ESFP (Extroverted Sensing Feeling Perceptive) men who married SJ (sensing judging) women (my dad was one).  I've heard these men being called "lazy", "irresponsible", and "childish". They are admonished to "get going". One wife explained that ,"I made him a list. All he has to do is get it done, then cross it off.  It's that simple. Why doesn't he do it?"  The answer -- he doesn't want to.

ESFP's live to experience and enjoy life. To a J person who believes that work comes first (and sometimes last too),  this attitude is unfathomable.  SJ's (Sensing Judging) know what needs to be done and how to do it. These wives are sure who should get going -- their husband!

Once, a woman who has an SP husband was complaining to me that her husband didn't get things done. She sighed and wished she had a husband like mine who is a professional handyman (SJ). We talked about their life; about their long talks in the evenings, his joking and spontaneity, his playing with their children, his good cooking, his party giving, and his enthusiasm for life. I then looked her in the eye and slowly stated, "If you had my husband, he would be right on the job getting things done -- ALWAYS!  She listened, then her eyes got big, and she said, "OH!"

INFJ Style of Fun

I know that to an SP the word "Fun" INFJ  (Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging) don't seem to fit, but we all have fun. We simply enjoy different things. What we enjoy very much relates to our personality.

An SP (Sensing Perceptive) is an action sort of person. They like to experience the world through their senses and without restraints.  From rock climbing to rock concerts, they enjoy the world around them, and the more action, noise, and laser lights the better.

I am a very sensitive INFJ. To me, the action fun of an SP is torture. One I went to a college football game in a large stadium. I sat there turning more and more pale as the SPs stomped and yelled. After several minutes, I fled clutching both my head and my stomach. Once home, I collapsed onto my couch and, immersed in healing silence, I tried to recover.

If the fast movement and vibrating speakers  that excite the SP send me running, the other way, what is "fun" to me?  What does a creative intellectual who also likes accomplishment do for "fun"? Just like everyone else, doing what comes easily for me is "fun".

I like things which give mental challenge; that require me to use my creativity to solve problems. Many board games require a great deal of creative problem solving, especially those where you role play settlers or someone else. Puzzles are  also "fun". Solving mysteries, working out problems, learning something new, going to a new place, reading or watching Fantasy and Science Fiction, writing, pondering the scriptures and ideas, research, learning new things, new cultures, museums, concerts, decorating, and designing are all things which allow me to use my creative intuitive abilities and are "fun".

Lost - an introvert in a crowd

Invited to a social just to be part of the crowd
invigorating the extroverts,
I feel lonely, tired, and lost.

I feel painfully invisible
amid the crowd.
I feel like the soft music of a wind chime
lost in the blaring of a band;
like a delicate pastel painting
washed out in harsh neon light;
like hushed country twilight
disturbed by garish partying;
like gentle candle glow
obliterated in flood lights.

My voice drowned out
by superficial chatter,
my identity is lost in the crowd.

Needing Each Other

He needs predictability
I need opportunity

He needs order
I need flexibility

He needs routine
I need variety

He needs time to work
I need time to think

He needs a plan
I need follow through

He needs my enthusiasm
I need his calmness

We both need each other